Time to get real

So, I've had a lot on my mind in the last few weeks, processing a lot of information and emotions and stuff. Its time to finally put this all out on 'paper' so to speak, to open up and admit where I am and whats going on with me. I dont know how many people are still reading my blog, since I'm not in the current competition, but I'm gonna put this out there anyway.

I have been hiding this summer... a lot! I haven't been focused, have been maintaining my weight loss (mostly, though I'm ashamed to admit that of the 48 lbs I had lost, I gained back about 8... have lost 4 of those this last week and a half, but still need to get rid of the other 4), and I kept saying that it was ok, that I was just taking the summer off, taking a little break, but I now realize I was just hiding. I have been hiding from everything, from my weight loss goals, from my dating life (which is pretty much non-existant, and I was just fooling myself with what I thought was there), my God, my job (which I lost because of that), my school, and even my friends. I have been thinking that I was living my life to the fullest this summer, and that is partially true, because I have lived more this summer than I ever have before, but at the same time, I've been hiding from everything. Its time to move on, to stop hiding, to get focused and driven and start moving forward in my life again!

In saying that, I have some goals... decided to do another challenge with Mindy (of the I'm Not Just Talking Anymore fame) starting tomorrow, to help us both get focused and driven and back on track. I intend to go get a membership to the gym tomorrow (if I have it in the budget tomorrow, if not, will on Tuesday when I get paid). I plan to thaw out the chicken that has been sitting in my freezer, since it's my best choice of protein and I havent been cooking it, so I've been eating out way too often. I'm going to put some meals together to make it easy to just grab something to eat that is still good for me. I also have some goals about school, going to focus and get the hours in that I'm supposed to be getting in for that, and havent really been doing. And I intend to spend a certain amount of time per week (havent figured out a number, but I will sit down and create a schedule) searching for jobs and working on my resume. This is a lot to change all at once, but I'm not working, I have plenty of time to do all of it, and I've done it all before, so none of these habits should be hard to fire up in my life. So, this is my accountability place. Its time, time for me to get real, and to let those people around me who want to help and support me, let them actually do it.